Zara Hates Your Puffy Ankles

Hello friends,

Today I spent an exhausting 90 minutes in Zara trying on Christmas party dresses to display to you in an upcoming post. However, a more pressing matter quickly caught my attention - the anger and insanity that is their t-shirt range for pregnant women.

Now, I love Zara. Its half translated logo t-shirts with their long length and good quality cotton are a godsend for the style conscious nerd. They are also exceptionally generous in the gluteal area with their trouser tailoring and quick to rip-off the best Miu Miu and Balenciaga when it counts. All good things. However, it is clear that their maternity design team is a mad as a bucket of frogs.

The Many Moods of Pregnancy - (according to Zara)

1. Insecurity (re: erotic viability)


"I'm not fat !! I'm eating for two" Hey, me too Zara - and I ain't even with child. The desperation distilled within those two velvet exclamation marks is quite a thing to behold i'nit? I also enjoy the way the cotton mix clings to my own protuberances. You've gotta applaud their commitment to the verisimilitude of a woman's emotional state. They ain't pulling no punches. I know I've always said that pregnancy is no excuse to pile on any pounds at all. Those lactating LARDOS.

2. Pathetic Clinginess.


"STAY WITH ME" - Yup, it's clear that the impregnator in her life has noticed her horrendous physical deficiencies and has calmly decided to move on. Thank goodness Zara has produced a garment that does all your pathetic hormonal mewling for you! Eyes that have seen more sadness than any one person can bear are model's own.

3. Irrational grasping at chic femininity as typified by former single self.

"Kill for high heels" - I'm not sure if this is a nostalgic moment or an exhortation to all women unshackled by a bloating foetus to buy buy buy those Jimmy Choos whilst they still can and revel in the bunions of independence. Either way, it is as delightfully unhinged as any other in the range and I'm so very digging the Valerie Solanis fanzine style typeface.

4. Homicidal Food/Sexual Cravings.

"I'VE GOT A CRAVING (now!!!) - Yikes, right? Quite apart from the fact I don't think I've ever looked lovelier in a photograph, this t-shirt reunites with our old friend the crazed multiple exclamation mark. As if to underscore the horror (the horror!) of a pregnant lady in a state of need we've got a font that speaks of nothing less than Jack Nicolson at his crazytime typewriter in "The Shining"

Yeesh. And it was the crazy identical twins that were the fashion icons in that movie. Pre-chopping of course.























Am I right or am I right?

I'm right.

Love,
Becky.

A Topshop binge aka 'What I did with my weekend!'

With the party season approaching and the invitiations rolling in (Invitations from the local pub rather than Vogue, sadly) it's time to plan those Christmas outfits. In an ideal word i'm looking for something a little glam and glitzy but very wearable: without that Vogue-esque income, I can't afford to buy clothes I will only wear once! Perhaps Noel Fielding (Of the Mighty Boosch fame) and his shiny jumpsuit have been having more of an effect on fashion than I thought, but I decided to opt for knitwear and jackets in metallic fabrics that can be teamed perfectly with vintage belts and heels for a quirky and original dressed up (ish) look.

Christian Louboutin and Chanel have been pushing the metallic footwear button, and Gucci have been churning out metallic handbads by the dozen. So gold leather seems like the perfect way update my usual cacophany of waist belts and charity shop floral favourites. Behold then my new jacket:

(Topshop £30)

And whilst I was out shopping for this jacket of wonder, I also picked up this lurex cardigan (£28) and bib front embellished top (£20) I know I keep promising I won't shop anymore but what the hell................

Tiny Wings of Fury

Hello friends,

As I look over my vast (vast!) body of work on this blog, I notice a preponderance of sexy cartoon ladies and Prada each occupying their own pithy internet post. Now, watch, marvel and exclaim as I don my official Robert Altman cowboy hat o' disparate narrative lines and make a post that ties sexy cartoon ladies and Prada together in a veritable burst of fashion-osity.

That was maybe the worst paragraph even written but it's true. Today class, we are learning about James Jean, the illustrator who features so prominently in Prada's S/S 08 collection.

When I first saw the Prada collection, as usual, I didn't quite get it. I'm a First Glance Prada Moron. And, as usual, once the ideas slowly percolated through my brain, I began to love it. You see, I love the hard edged urban warrior thing that usually underscores the Prada aesthetic and this whole curvilinear fairy thing threw me for something of a loop.

But if you look closely at the fairies that adorn these outfit you'll see they're hardly winsome wish granters and milk teeth gatherers. They're barely female, kind of like beautiful foetuses their poses speaking of anguish or violent sexuality.

And here I was thinking Miuccia had gone soft on us. It's like the girls wearing the apocalyptic fuzzy felt outfits of last season stripped off, threw their clothes in a flaming trash can, inhaled the fumes and this is what they saw.

Credit: AP

There's an excellent article in this quarter's POP magazine that visits Mrs Prada and her fabulous slippy slide in Milan. However, when it sidebars into talking about the illustrations, there is no mention of James Jean, only Michael Rock and 'the collective' 2x4. Curiouser and curiouser. It was only a chance click on a tiny story at the New York Times website (check out their style section redesign - it's fabulous) that revealed his identity. Jean's website is well worth a look - he's an Eisner winner comicbook artist as a gosh-darn regular Fine Artist too. You can buy his work from (exchange rate willing) £25 for a print to £2,500 for an original piece. If I had the scratch my friends.....I shall have to sate myself with his beautiful website. Here's a sneak preview:

Crayon Eater Drawing (already sold, damnit)

12.5 x 17 in.
Blue Pencil, Graphite, Pastel on Rives BFK
Description: Mixed Media drawing created for "Crayon Eater."


Recess 4 Gym ($52)
12"H x 16.5"W
Ultrachrome Print on Cotton Rag paper
Description: Signed and Embossed

Secret
12 x 13 in.
Ultrachrome Print on Cotton Rag paper
Description: Signed and Embossed.

Find more gorgeous images, things to buy and James jean's blog at: Process Recess.

The lesson? Ambisextrous curivlinear = good. Miuccia Prada = never wrong.

Your internet pal,
Becky.