We Lives in His Lap

Hello blogosphere,

I'm sick sick sick of fashion week. It's been singularly unimpressive and chock full of bulging ribcages. Let's instead celebrate a certain level of Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik-liciousness as personified by Andre 3000 (or Andre Benjamin, if you insist) and his new clothing line Benjamin Bixby.

Here be the man:

Obsessed with this tiger polo combo.

in. frickin'. overalls.

Legimitised in our bloggy eyes via The Sartorialist

Here be the product:

Quote from Andre's interview in The Guardian:

"I think a lot of African-American kids don't have fathers to teach them how to dress, so you end up being taught by pictures in magazine and movies. You see cowboys, Indians, old Hollywood films, Cary Grant. It has an effect on you."

Randolph Scott & Cary Grant. Yes, I know. I know.

Fred Astaire

No offence Big Boi, but you be looking like a chump next to your bandmate. Would a little tailoring kill you? A jaunty hat?

Friends, if you have a penis, consider my advice to Big Boi as applying to your very own self. Basically, if you're not dressed as a 1930s college football star, I just don't have time for you.

'cept this guy. This guy can be in my gang.
via Facehunter.

Suit up here and here. And report back here at 0900 for your next orders.

Love,
Sgt Wigmore

Better Late then Never - Oscar Red Carpet Fashion.

Hello blogosphere,

Tor and I know that in the fast moving world of l'internet, you have to get your thoughts out there fast else three days will pass and your opinion is so much dry dust. With that in mind, Tor and I speedily and non-grammatically MSN'd our opinions about the latest Oscar fashions.

We know you're sick of the obvious so we tried to spread the net a little wider. But you're still seeing Marion Cotillard again so I'm afraid you'll have to suck it up some. It's been a lean year friends. And with that, please enjoy our extended text-based conversation:

Becky says:
You ready to critique outfits?
Tor says:
i'm so ready!
Becky says:
In a intellectual style?
Tor
not sure about the intellectual bit but i'm up for looking at dresses and making pleasing noises!
.....i liked Anne Hathaway

i really loved the roses and that it was very obviously glam when a lot of the other 'slebs went for understated black dresses (small yawn)
Becky says:
Totally seconding the yawn.. Everyone's saying it was a super subdued safe Oscars and I think every critique I've read so far has longed for Cher or a swan dress. Personally, I only respond to red carpet outfits that could be conceivably used in drag acts
Tor says:
there was lots of 'nice' and 'pretty' but no wow
Becky says:
Chic is for LOSERS. Plus, I thought Hathaway was too reminiscent of Kate Winslet Ben de Lisi dress of a few years ago.

Tor says
it so is!!!! why would you look understated when you have access to huge diamonds and puffball?
Becky says:
It sickens me.
Tor says:
The ben de lisi thing makes me find it more substandard- i've been od'ing on project catwalk this week and slowly growing to hate him
Becky says:
He's a shrieking fashion ferret
Tor says:
haha! And thats so far from good!!! There were lots of well dressed pregnancies this year. Cate Blanchett wore 'the bump' well i thought?

Becky says:
She's so famous for her risk-taking and I was just, well, underwhelmed. I love the chunked up neckline but that's about it.
Tor says:
yeah there were no risks taken by anyone this year
Becky says:
I reckon if you're pregnant there's very little option other than going 'tits ahoy'. Like Catherine Zeta Jones in 2002

Tor says:
hmmm, that was too much bosom even for me!!!
Becky says:
#1 You LOVE it. #2 Everything's so tasteful. I want to see puffy nipples on the red carpet! Feathers and puffy nipples!
Tor says:
those killer heels teamed with the enormous bump cant have been comfortable
Becky says:
They're Loubotons too. The patented feet shredders
Tor says:
on gmtv yesterday they said that a lot of 'slebs have collagen fillers in their feet so they can't feel the pain and they can stand on them longer!?
Becky says:
That's going to lead to a spate of ballerina style deformo toes

Tor says:
yup. i've never believed in the whole beauty=pain thing
Becky says:
Plus, you're a baby
Tor says:
yup, no pain, no pain. thats all!
[...]
Becky says:
My favourite dress was actually worn by a teeny tiny celebrity of no real standing - Lydia Hearst.

Tor says:
wow that;s gorgeous! like a ballerina mated with a chiffon peacock
Becky says:
And then a open passion fruit....It's quite vagina-ry. In a good way.
Tor says:
I didnt think of that until you just said it!
Becky says:
Sure sure. I also like this one on Saoirse Ronan: because it was simple but with omigod COLOUR.

Tor says:
you know i hate lace and that particular lace looks cheap, and cheaply applied
Becky says:
Prada spits on your hate
Tor says:
The colour is nice but the dress is bleurgh. Prada can keep their lace and their saliva!
Becky says:
You'll love it in six months time. I'm starting your shock therapy tomorrow.
Tor says:
it looks cheap to me on the catwalk...can you imagine what it will look like when the highstreet do it???
Becky says:
Fair point. Nothing worse then the sweatiness of cheap lace. Maybe I'll cheer you up with Marion Cotillard.

I love this picture. Mostly because I want Forrest Whitaker to hug me.

Tor Says

Oooh! Scaley!!
Becky says:
Totes. Jean Paul Gaultier no less. He's not worn so much on awards nights. I also want to give a shout-out to that su-poib eye make-up and her general Frenchiness

Click for awesome hi-res details

Tor says:
I just can't decide if i like it or not it looks stunning on her though!!
Becky says:
They shoulda greased her hair down like they did on the catwalk. Woulda been ace,
Tor says:
like the jewellery. lots of chains is a-ok by me!
Becky says:
I like the fact I can see slight nicotine stains on her teeth. What do you think of Tilda Swinton?
Tor says:
She scares me
Becky says:
Don't say that. That's what she wants. Everyone was going on about her brave choice to not wearing make-up but she's clearly wearing liner and gloss at the very least
Tor says:
the dress was not a good choice for her pale skin and tiny body
Becky says:
Again, I wish she'd gone all-out. Though she's famous for wearing Viktor and Rolf and they're a little bit too Kwazy Klown for the Oscars. Her dress is Lanvin you know. I researched this. Praise me.
Tor says:
You are wonderful! An oscar nerd of the highest order. Geek!
Becky:
Mean! What do you think about Mrs MacAvoy aka Ann Marie Duff?

Tor says:
Its nice but like something we mere mortals would wear. You could buy that on the highstreet
Becky says:
I was gonna say it's a bit Warehouse-y (note to foreign readers. Warehouse is a mid-priced high street chain, comparable to something like Express in the US). But I'm desperate for pigment here
Tor says:
haha! you're clutching at straws!
Becky says:
Shuttup! It's not my fault this year hit the snooze button! Speaking of 'mortals like us' how about Ellen Page?

Tor says:
Oh look another black straigh up and down dress. blah blah blah!!!
Becky says:
But it's almost frumpy! I LOVE it! She doesn't give a shit! I find that awesomely endearing
Tor says:
Thats soo not a good thing!
Becky says:
Nooo! It's the best!
Tor says:
its oscars night! they should all give a shit otherwise whats the point??
Becky says:
They all give too much of a shit and that's the problem - they're terrified little bunnies all decked out in indistinguishable chiffon dresses. Ellen Page's dress is part of her 'dress-down' non-Hollywood aesthetic. And I like her flapper pearls
Tor says:
blah! i have those in like 3 different colours! from primark!!!!
Becky says:
I think it's unprententious and pretty. I hate it when 18-21 year old girls dress like 33 year old screen sirens
Tor says:
I like screen sirens: old school hollywood glamour, big skirts and lots of make up
Becky says:
But it looks so pre-packaged and fake on an 18 year old

I'm talking to you, Miley Cyrus

Becky says:
I like a tiny hint of madness.
Tor says:
yeah i see your point
Becky says:
All true Hollywood divas have something a little crazed about them.
Tor says:
i think maybe i'm just bitter....the whole ceremony this year left me yawning
Becky says:
I've got 2 more things to show you.
Tor says:
How exciting!

Tor says:
i loved this picture when i saw it on the night!
Becky says:
I tricked you into menswear!
Tor says:
so quirky and slightly adorable! i'm not against menwear
Becky says:
Say what you like about Spike Lee (egomaniac, occasional genius)- dude knows how to dress. Wesley ain't so shabby neither. I loved it that during the ceremony Jon Stewart made mention of Barack Obama and the camera automatically cut to Spike. He's Hollywood's designated black man!

Tor says:
ahhha nother well documents shoe fiaso. people made such a fuss about those brown shoes!
Becky says:
I am OBSESSED with Daniel Day Lewis and Rebecca Miller. The brown shoes are fucking gold
Tor says:
Now thats an interesting dress!!!
Becky says:
I know. She doesn't give a shit either!
Tor says:
they both did "alternative" shoes. maybe its a 'thing'?
Becky says:
Lace, bows and stripes....pile it on - she loves it
Tor says:
and rosettes! dont forget the rosettes!
Becky says:
I'm all for people just going for it and wearing something that makes them happy.
Tor says:
thats what makes the most interesting outfits! a bit of personality shining through
Becky says:
It's like they're dressing for an Arts Professors' formal.
hahaha! It so is!
Becky says:
And here's our special girl:

Amy Adams - love her.
Tor says:
I love her too
Becky says:
Proenza Schouler and their trademark frog-eye bustline
Tor says:
although i was disapointed her dress didnt look more like it had been homemade from a curtain!
Becky says:
I know. But check her little purse and dolly combo!

Tor says
I have a vintage purse like that! so extra credits given!!!
Becky says:
So noted. I also love looking at the civilians in the non-celebrity queue.
Tor says:
i was enjoying a lot of the celebrities mums. oh and did you see michael moores wife? like an 80s prom dress, but i strangely enjoyed it!

It has a certain 'doing it my way' charm
Becky says:
Yup, I can get behind that totally. So, Who's in your top 3?
Tor says:
argh! its too much!!!
Becky says:
Do it! Do it for the blogosphere! They crave lists!
Tor says:
diablo cody, penelope cruz and vanessa paradis

Tor says: What about yours?
Becky says:
Hmmm. Lydia Hearst (vagina dress), Kristin Chenoweth (my beloved Broadway diva.) and probably, boringly, Marion Cotillard

So, there you have it. Our useless opinions, one day from extinction. We had fun. I hope you did too. Spelling errors notwithstanding.

Your pal,
Becky.



Picture credits: Sinful_Caeser @ Livejournal, Just Jared, New York Times, Internet Movie Database and random googling.

Weeny-tiny New Year Vogue

Hello friends,

Eva Green came through my letter-box this morning. It was a cheering thing, her all decked in new season Prada and whatnot. Trouble is, she was looking a bit slim for my liking though of course I don't blame her. Movie stars are beyond reproach in all matters - the US court system has proved this time and again. Nah, it ain't Eva Green's fault her issue is so slender - this wussy New Years edition of Vogue comes in at 201 pages and a featherweight 500g/1lb 40z.

This is disastrous news in a world where a successful fashion magazine needs enough advert-stuffed heft to make it uncomfortable to read in the bath and robust enough to kill an average rodent at close-range. As is always the case, Conde Nast shot its editorial wad on the Christmas issue (Sienna Miller - super sparkly) and all that's left for new years is the leftovers from the "Glamourous One-Name Models and their Glamourous Lives" photoseries (Dec was Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, Lily Cole and Sasha Pivovarova and for Jan we get Agyness Deyn, Lily Donaldson and Lily Cole *again*). No real articles of note - "Can you Buy Sleep?" *that's* your cover line, Vogue? Well, yeah. Apparently I can buy sleep for £3.70 at all good newsagents and a bog standard year's round-up.

Still, at least we get some Gallic pouting. Look at that lovely sulky gothy French face. Eva Green is one of my favourite event dressers. She is invariably styled like a haute couture crazy cat lady and I love her tenderly for that.

-- at the BAFTAs in Dior with awesome witch hair.

Still, this cover is a little disappointment. I super dig the Prada floral action but the pose is so Hollywood generic and she looks, frankly, a little uncomfortable. I think this shot from her photoshot is easily the one in which she looks most at ease and it's also a genuine departure from the glam-goth thing that magazine stylists usually do for her.

She's got a naughty 50s farm girl thing going on that everyone can enjoy. That is, until I get the cease and desist order from the publishers. Like pixellated scans could even come close to a magazine copy. I'm not ashamed to admit that I get a little Proustian rush when my copy galumphs on the doormat, whether it's a vintage issue or not. Today, my copy smells of faded Flowerbomb, expensive paper and spilt tea. Surely surely surely February will reward our ongoing special relationship.

Also, can I have this?

Louise Gray, my snotty tissues and small change would never be so stylishly held but for a garment such as this. Plus, pink - am I right?

I'm right.

Your pal,
Becky.