Enough to make you wish you could change your phone contract?

Hi guys,
I want to preface this post by saying that my phone contract is with Orange; I was tempted to the bright side by their cheap iphone and free cinema tickets on a Wednesday. However, if I could change my contract for just one day it would be to Vodafone, so I can sign up for their new awesome competition!

Vodafone VIP, a major new reward scheme for Vodafone customers, is giving fashionistas unrivalled access to the world of top designer Christopher Kane via tickets and unique ‘money can’t buy’ experiences. Vodafone UK customers who register at vodafone.co.uk/vip before 9am on 14 September (That's tomorrow guys!!) get the chance to enter a competition to win tickets to Christopher’s show at London Fashion Week. AND the prize includes a pair of bespoke shoes straight from the catwalk show. You get to view the latest collection while at the show, give Vodfone your shoe size and Christopher Kane will make a bespoke pair of shoes just for you! Could I be more jealous of the winner?! I don't think I could!

Did I ever mention that I sat next to Christopher Kane at the press showing of the Scottish National Ballet's anniversary performance? It's true, and made me giddy with excitement (whilst Mike, who was sat the other side of me grunted and had a little nap!) Still, winning shoes and seeing the catwalk show is much better than fidgeting in a chair being too nervous to say hello!

I don't normally post competitions that not everyone can enter, but I think this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that's too good to miss. If you have a vodafone phone then get involved; then when you win tell me about it, and make my sick with jealousy!!

Love, Tor xx

Whore for sequins

Aloha blogosphere,

Tonight I sat down and watched "Strictly Come Dancing" with my grandparents. O! how we cheered when former 90s thinspiration model Jodie Kidd came back from her disastrous performance last week to display a glittering aptitude for the American Smooth. Very old Hollywood: lifts, swirls and sequins.

What I'm saying people: today's all about transformation and glamour. Because isn't that the core of what fashion is about for the laypeople, like you? Like me? it doesn't have to beeposed ribcages or sequins (because god knows not everyone's a drag queen in the same fervent way I am) instead it's about magic.

I'm going through a rough time in my life right now. Everything is up in the air in terrifying, life changing ways. I had to go to London unexpectedly and spent the day wandering the nation capital in a small moist daze. Obviously, I went to Browns.

You see friends, I'm a grown-up lady now and no bullshit retail assistant is going to scare me into not trying on a fabulous dress that costs 3 months' rent. If I want to go into Luella looking like a tramp and swathe myself in unattainable tulle, then look on in horror, Bond Street because that's what's going to happen. They won't dare stop me, I could be a hideously wealthy tramp for all they know. This is known as the Mary Kate Olsen effect.

Workin' the scrag-hag look. Although you'd be a pretty poor salesperson not to spot the Chanel bag and McQueen scarf.

Anyway, emboldened by numbness, I strode like a collusus into Brown's Disount store and went straight for the Christopher Kane dresses.

No more of this diffusion/Topshop bullshit, I wanted the real thing. I strongly believe that if it's within your power, it's worth realising a dream, if only for a moment. I had a lovely shop assistant who let me paw the Rick Owens and Ann-Sofie Back to my heart's content and who additionallycharged herself with the near-Herculean task of getting me into the Christopher Kane dress above. Drapery is complicated - who knew? For a moment I became convinced I was to be trapped in a pantie-exposing velvet prison for the rest of my natural life, but patience and wriggling prevailed.































Am I wrong or is the ethereal voice of Rachel Zoe correct when she says: "Becky. You're shutting it down."? I styled it a little more 1940s vamp/hoodie than the catwalk and I like it better this way. The lovely French assistant told me I could buy Spanx or Spanx-esque supportwear to solve my arse 'problem', but frankly I'm all for letting the belly, the bum and anything else touched by cake and gravity hang free. I look like a goddess and it was just me. I'm not offended by her comments, it was kindly meant and she was French. I just like pie. And shutting it down. And being me. Cue strings.


The Becky Wears Prada ---->


I've learned this: misery breeds misery and this goes double for outfits. There is little or no time for schluping around. Of course, another surefire cure for the blues apart from the love of friends and family is FREE STUFF. Tor and I started this blog with love in our hearts and a dream. A dream that one day our stars would rise to a point where online advertisers would realise our girlish potential and give us FREE STUFF. We are as whores in the face of such things and let there be no bones made. Absolut Vodka have invited us to its House of Masquerade Launch night. There Will Be Booze. There Will Be Vintage. There Will (much to Becky's infinite delight) Be Illustrations by Daisy de Villeneuve, she of the fantastic S/S 09 Versace collaboration and a dozen other exciting projects.

Please don't tell them we're not even slightly cool enough for this stuff. I need the free booze right now. Also: check the awesome promo gift that came through my door this morning.

Sequins! and masks! and Clark Gable! oh my!

Don't you see? It all comes back to Come Dancing in the end. Come Thursday, I'm looking forward to transforming into someone who remotely belongs in Shoreditch and meeting some supercool bloggers. Exciting times.

Your pal,
Becky.

Paws and Claws

Hello blogosphere,

Well, they didn't give Kristin Chenoweth an Emmy so my entourage and I stormed out fairly early on in the ceremony. I was disappointed indeed to note the lack of monkey dresses on the Red Carpet. Hollywood needs to catch up quick-smart to my style acumen or risk looking hopelessly passe. Still: 4 good (or at least a little interesting) ones:

Christina Hendricks ("Mad Men")


America Ferrera ("Ugly Betty")


Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men)

Laura Dern

You'll notice I'm giving "Mad Men" props to two cast members. This is an example of media bias. To be honest, Christina Hendricks is the only one of all these who gives me chills and it's mostly boob-related. America Ferrera is doing vintage glam of which Wigmore also approves (plus, red lipstick, people. Live it. Love it.)

You'll see also that we've got the lovely Peggy Olsen (or to call her by her earth name - Elisabeth Moss). She's working the red lip and her own special brand of glorious frump. I'm obsessed with Hollywood jolie-laide. It's a real rarity and I love her so much for it. Laura Dern is included cuz a pockets. Love me some gown pouches and on a David Lynch lady to boot.

But p'eh. Still, you don't look at the Emmys and expect Vogue Italia. 48% less nipple for a start. If you want someone who's actually good at this stuff see Red Carpet Fashion Awards. The woman who runs that is some bizarre Yoda of catwalk and she'll analyse and critique beyond your wildest dreams.

Speaking of catwalk and a lack of monkeys, I'm noticing a curious proliferation of anamorphisation. Who'd a thought the Spring/Summer 09 would so zoo-ey?

Ob-servuhe:

BUNNIES!

Moschino Cheap & Chic

BUTTERFLIES!

Armani Prive

HORSIES!

Just Cavalli

CRICKETS!

Armani Prive

RHINOS! DINOS!



Both Christopher Kane

THE GREATER CAMOU'D PAC-MAN!

Giles

This all pleases me no end. It's funny how a horned shoe can make a person immediately lighter of heart. I just hope Prada does something with wombats. My trend spotting spidey-sense is telling me that their moment is nigh...

Look at him. In Milan, everyone travels by ten-year-old girl.

Love,
Becky.

Becky's Fashion Fieldtrip - Part I

Hello blogosphere,

Apologies for my long absence. I'm currently doing a Masters degree and apparently they require work or something. I don't know - it's certainly not the reason I signed up to artschool. You wouldn't have liked me anyway - I had dissertation hair.

At this present moment I am holed up in my grandparents' house in Ashford, Kent (home of L'Eurostar to Paris super-station-of-the-future and not much else). This would be by-the-by were it not for the fact that to get to Ashford from Norwich, you have to detour through London.

Oxford Street Topshop during London Fashion Week? Oh, I think I will.

I was especially keen to brave the sweaty scary flagship because the blogosphere has shown such interest in the Topshop diffusion ranges by Christopher Kane, Marios Schwab, Richard Nichol et al. I was determined to go in and actually physically try on their ranges - after all, http://www.topshop.com/ is all very well but it doesn't give you anything close the visceral pleasure (or not) of donning the gament. I took 46,000 pictures and all at horrible angles. These I present to you in the spirit of sartorial honesty.

NOTE: I am a Size 12-14 (that's a US 8-10) so all dresses are in that range. Additionally, though the online store is currently out of stock, the flagship is chock full of chiffony diffusion goodness, so don't worry about your particualr darling selling out. Everything'll be re-stocked online soon and don't let unscrupulous e-bay sellers tell you different.

Christopher Kane #1 (£120)

God, Christopher Kane, as if your A/W 08 collection wasn't aces enough, you have to go and make me look like a medieval sex wench of infinite power and leather-bodiced wisdom. I adored this dress for it's flattering cut at the waist, the acknowledgement that women have boobs and oh! sweet jesus-may! the swathes of material on the arms and hips. I felt so glorious that for a second I ready to star in one of those sexed-up historical novels. You know the ones you read secretly as a teenager? The ones with heroes called Thor and a bunch of cracks in the spine that designate the special passages?

"Take me, Thor," she husked

Christopher Kane #2 (£120)

Sarah Silverman's comedy, right, is ace. One of my favourite lines of hers goes something like: "I don't care if you think I'm racist, I just want you to think I'm thin." Same kind of deal here. You can judge me all you like for my stupid pouty model face (I swear to God, I can't control it - it moves over my features like a disease) I just want you to notice how slender this dress makes me appear. Again, I love the wench-y corsetry working against the denim of the bodice. The skirt is suitable whoosy and flowing and I adores the waistcoat detailing at the back. The Christopher Kane dresses both get an enthusiastic thumbs-up from the Wigmore. I wish I could have tried on the entire Kane range but there was no time - my sister was calling me up and getting pissy "When are you getting on the train? Are you still in Topshop?" and those changing rooms are so oppressively hot and the female hormones so palpably high that it felt like all the world like I was standing in post-menstral 'Nam. I wanted to acheive breadth, not so much depth so I moved on to the Jonathan Saunders collection.

Jonathan Saunders Dress (£75)

Now, initially this looks like a bosoms ahoy! dress and I am all for that kind of garment, especially ones with nice slim-cut arms. However, the jersey used is shockingly, indecently thin and the casual observer better be ready not only for my jelly but also eyefulls of undies and each individual buttock.

This dress is suitable only for the very skinny as it lovingly display every inch of excess flesh. It is also an ideal dress in which to show your public the exact nature of your arse crack. If you dare enlarge the picture below you'll be treated to the sight of my trmebling white heiney shining like a beacon through the fabric. Can you imagine what would show through in a flash photograph?

Sorry. Cripes. And sorry again. I decided not to try on any more Saunders dresses what with them being made of the same fabric and what with dignity being at a premium. I comfort myself that no at least the online shopper knows the nature of the beast and can proceed with caution. I really needed cheering up however, and so I looked to Peter Jensen, who's always good for a shot of whimsy.

Peter Jensen dress (£75)

It's amazing. Completely unflattering on my arse with all the ruffles but an absolute tonic to wear. I felt like a 1930s circus performer and I pranced and jiggled and had a lovely time. I thoroughly recommend wearing something unflattering if it makes you feel this good. Karl would disapprove but that Belgian's got issues with blubber up the yin-yang. Embrace it all, I say! Perform your juggling act! Jiggle away!

COMING NEXT POST:

Becky samples: Louise Goldin, Marios Schwab, Todd Lynn and Richard Nichols.

Prepare for neon and tailoring issues.

Love,

Becky.

Liberal Media Conspiracy (plus ruffles)

Hello blogosphere,

Bloody The Guardian, bloody The Observer. I tell you there's nothing more pathetic than a grown woman with flu speedwalking the streets at 6.30 on a Sunday eve, glistening with snot and desperate to find one newsagent open that still has an Observer on sale. Usually, I wouldn't touch it or even think of putting myself in such a situation - the only good bits of The Guardian are Charlie Brooker and the Book section and I can read them online - but I was on a mission for fashion.

Now, as I've said before, The Guardian/Observer is also almost comically shit for fashion but, on my daily click to Style Bubble, I was greeted with news of February's fabled Topshop Diffusion range with Christopher Kane, Marios Schwab, Jonathan Saunders et al. More than news, friends - scans from the Observer Woman supplement. Much undignified soiling occurred.

However, I grew anxious - what if Susie Bubbl;e had only shown us an edited look at the page? I must! I must! see the whole thing, I cried! I rang round my hippie liberal friends to see if any of them had bought The Observer and disgustingly, none of them had. This includes Tor, by the way, who lists her political leanings on Facebook as "Very Liberal". No Observer on Sunday, Tor? Very Liberal? Hah! You are "Very LIES" and now everybody knows.

After a cold spasm-y run, I retrieved my prize from my favourite newsagent that never closes - Sunday trading laws can go to hell! Victory and glory await! I thought as I slumped on the sofa. But no. The shitty magazine and its shitty cheap paper gave us only 5 exclusive items and I had seen them all online. Susie Bubble has already scanned them but I'm doing it here on principle, because I bought the bloody bastard arse-face thing:

Top row,
Ugly ass glitter blazer with pockets that makes a mockery of all that is good and pure (£65)
Leather hooded jacket by Christopher Kane for Topshop (£250)
Grey Bodice front dress by Christopher Kane for Topshop (£85)
Bottom Row
Ruffle Dress by Richard Nicholl for Topshop (£75)
Black skirt with leather bodice belt by Christopher Kane for Topshop (£95)
Black Dress with Awesome Coloured Panel by Jonathan Saunders for Topshop (£75)

As always, click the pic to make it big. You'll enjoy better detail and the chance to see just how see-through the paper Observer Woman prints on happens to be. Scandal.

A publication with thicker shinier paper is in order, I think. February's British Vogue had the thoughtfulness to give us a catwalk supplement which held photographs of each of the Topshop Diffusion designers with their chosen model wearing one of their Topshop outfits. It's not much but it's at least a glimpse of the fabric texture:

Marios Schwab w/Clemence Posey
Hey, Schwab. Nobody spoons with Fleur Delacour except Bill Weasley (That was a courtesy to you, Harry Potter geeks - I had to look that shit up). It's a big shame we can't see more of the denim coat dress she's wearing. This is the only Marios Schwab for TS image I can find and I'm a bit disappointed with this, especially considering his dazzling insect-y S/S 08 collection .


Todd Lynn
Hmm. Shiny high street tuxedo jackets. It'll all depend on the quality of the material....Shirt's cute, however. Love me a pleat.


Louise Goldin
OB-sessed. I want this dress with my whole heart. Look at those dainty straps! Look!
It says here that this dress is supposed to be instore already....hm. No-show at topshop.com. Worrisome.



Christopher Kane
His little face. It's a nice close-up look at the jacket featured in the Observer spread - it looks a lot classier when you see it up close. I'm also delighted Sir Kane chose a girl who isn't a very slender nymphy model type. It's just like when he dressed Beth Ditto for Fashion Rocks. He's ace that way - now if only Browns.com stocked his main line in a size above 10...


Richard Nicoll
Very cute little dress in the pinstripe and although the ruffle design is somewhat similar to a Viktor & Rolf for H&M dress, the chiffon lifts it into a slightly more elegant, less whimsical place. Looks so much better than in the Observer picture, right? Right.

So there you have it. I am spent, visually at least.

Becky's picks:
The Christopher Kane bodice dress (no duh) - CK cuts for my body and I am well up for a little kinky medieval action.
Jonathan Saunders dress - Just because I think I deserve to wear the colours you see when you look at the sun too long.
Louise Goldin dress - Did you not see it? It's so rare the high street customer gets access to that kind of flair with colour. Gotta jump.

Okay, so let the donations and charity car-washing begin!

Your pal,
B.

The £1 Rule

Hello friends,

I have danced around it in previous post but I'll say it loud: I'm broke. Not la-di-dah o!noI've only got£45beforepayday broke, but the real hardcore broke where the letters are red and the phone is your enemy. Christmas therefore is going to be something of a sedate affair. I've painstakingly bullied and alienated my friendship circle down to 3 people so as to save money on potential Christmas presents. I'll make new and better friends next year - cheaper ones with fewer expectations!

The sad story of my financial situation is pertinent to this blog in that today we're talking about the joys of super-bargain shopping. When I was less broke, I used to shop frugally and fabulously from ebay.co.uk and the world was verily my vintage and cheap designer treasure trove. Now, the rule is: if it's over £1, I can't have it. This isn't the nicest position to be in but it does give one the chance to put on their cheapo Columbus hat and discover new worlds of bargains (no, I will not think of a better metaphor). Here are two recent finds:

Dress#1 Severe Grey Tunic with additional pretty-pretty - Primark (£1)

I picked this up today whilst searching desperately for the final component in my boyfriend's birthday present. Though Primark's men's range is nauseatingly skaterboi and not at all in keeping with his style, I was pleased that this fine garment, previously £12, had been marked down to a much more reasonable £1. I enjoy these things: ( 1)the pussy bow, (2)the ugly charity shop pattern (3)the puffed sleeves (4)the whorish length. If you're looking for a designer comparison, I'd say it's very Anna Sui A/W 2007. All I need is a big long cuddly cardigan, a fluffy hat and I'm good to go. Also, blue shoes. I definitely need blue shoes:

Dress# 2 Ice Ice baby - Vintagey Christoper Kane - £1 at Romanian Children's Hospice Charity Shop.

This picture is blurred not because of my inept camera focusing but because I am GLIDING AT UNIMAGINABLE SPEED. I just wanted you to know. This dress makes me look like a figure skater with a tiny little waist, the kind of waist you'd be proud to show off at a Canadian icerink. I love this dress with its huge skirt and tight bodice - if I stretch my imagination the littlest bit, I can say it's reminiscent of Christopher Kane's A/W 07 collection:

If you click on my photo and squint super hard you'll see that I even wore my fake Swarkovski bling necklace to add to the illusion. It too was £1 and from Topshop - here's a better picture:

Y'see? I am well cyber goth, me. Designer up to the eyeballs.

Don't contradict me, this shit is what lets me sleep.

Your pal,
B.

Christmas on a Budget: The Quest for a Perfect Dress - Part Two

Hey hey readership,

I think you'll agree by now that Tor, my blogging partner, is as cute as several buttons. Look at her face and hair - she makes Primark look appealing to me.
I am carrying on the Tor(nado)'s coverage of pretty pretty Christmas dresses, except today I'm visiting Zara, so that "Under £30" proviso has (ooh! there! there! in the sky!) flown right out of view. Nope, we're upping the budget to £100, even though my own personal fashion budget figures more generally around the "Under £6" mark. I'm not ashamed to say that thanks to the flimsy curtains at Cancer Research, everyone who frequents the Norwich branch has seen most of my pale naked flesh. The benevolent, elderly and poor have seen my nipples and this, readership is my gift to them.

I am expensif
Here are my 5 Picks from the Zara, Norwich store. These decisions were made 'on the hanger' and represent particular trends of which I am fond. I recall from reading an article in the Saturday Times a few months back that Zara is unique in that each store manager acts as a 'buyer,' ordering in designs from a vast selection, tailoring their picks to trends that are proving popular in their region. This is why the garments in Zara, Bluewater which I frequent when I'm visiting my mother is so much more 'high fashion' than the Norwich-y stock. There's a lot of money to be made around Essex-way and those girls know their designers. What I'm trying to put across is that the Norwich Zara is a little short on floaty and heavy on the tweedy. Just sayin.'

And with that:

#1Block colour - £39

I enjoy block colour. It makes me feel all Jonathan Saunders (A/W 07) and Mark Rothko (above, Untitled 1968). Unfortunately, this dress was also cut like a Rothko, that is to say straight up and down with no waist definition, no complimetary bosom display and hard 'n chunk in the hips.

I was a very angry caterpillar.

#2 - Pleat and Sparkle - £79

I love a fabric that can hold its shape. I am young woman with quite the curve and I need a garment that will compliment this arrangement. I find high street embellishment bling quite tacky and I usually avoid it like the sartorial plague that it is.

But look at that big pleat and my blushes. I'm so happy! Compare and contrast this dress and the despicable former:

Coo!


Ew!

Why it's like I have two different bums, so it is. Tailoring is a beautiful thing, friends. I love it when it when a garment has a fidelity with the body. Which brings me to.....

#3 - Body Con. £29

Yuh. This is from Zara's TRL section (y'know! for teens!) and this dress was deemed a Large. I am a Size 12-14 and a 34C and this was the extent I could clamber into this dress. And I'm not naive, readership. I know that most girls wearing skintight zip up dresses look more like this:

Christopher Kane S/S06

but I also know that skilled design means that a girl my size can look super fierce (can I pull off saying 'fierce'? I just don't know) in a bodycon outfit:

Christopher Kane for Topshop, February 2007

So shame on you Zara, super shame on you. Last I checked, teenager is not a synonym for 'no tits, no hips.' I just wanted a sexy dress in which to drink White Lighting in the park. Damn you.

#4 Chanel-lo! £79

Mmm, Lagerfeld-y. Can't argue with a monochrome chiffon gown that's 'inspired' by the ultimate in chic fashion brands. I felt awesome - floaty and malevolent.

To spare y'all the horror (the horror!) I have photoshopped out my nipples and photoshopped in a dark murky lighting scheme. It's well elegant, innit?

Me and my modelling partner are ready to sex it up, goth style. What say you, Karl?

Oh, Karl. I knew you would.

Love,
B.